One of the Painful Things

The title looks interesting dont u think?

Okay, to make the story short, ive checked his FB again, like how would that be possible? I blocked him already. Well, if theres a will, theres a way. lol. So I checked it, and I saw his posts, he was really happy, im happy to know that his happy, im really am. hmm,...

But.. Sametime im hurt to know that he is moving on, that for sure he never thinks about me, he dont care about me at all , that he fukly recovered. It sucks u know, seeing him happy without you, it makes your life a bit worthless, useless, a trash. I hope I could have done something.. regrets again. Gosh!

What hurts the most is when he said that "God will give me the right one". I thought he was the right one for me, but knowing that im not the right one for him, deeply hurt, its just that I feel like he said that to my face. well, its not his fault anyway coz im the one stalking him. lol. but yeah, its sad... its tragic. Im very sad to know Im not the right one.

They say thay you can find a much better guy.I wonder how better would that guy be if Lim gave me the best. Lol. I dunno, i just dont feel like finding a new guy again, Im scared.

The last time i was brokenhearted is in my junior high years. It took me 2 freaking years to moved on, thanks to that guy on the other section who became my instant crush. so it only took 2 years. haha. but now, i dont want another guy to be the reason that i will move on, i want myself to learn how, for now honestly, i dont know how, im stucked. But it takes time, maybe sooner I will learn or maybe I would just continue loving him, maybe that what will make me happy although sadly he wont loved me back.

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150 Questions about Me, Myself and I

1. When was the last time you swam in a pool? I already forgot, maybe last year or last last year.
2. Do you like to party? Birthday parties, no dancing, just eating!
3. If your ex suddenly kissed you right now, what would you do? Haha, would be happy i guess. lol
4. Are you a virgin? haha. yeah.
5. What are your parents views on sex? after marriage. period.
6. If you ran into your current boyfriend/crush in 10 years would you marry them? dont have bf, if crush, nope, i dont want.
7. Is your best friend dating anyone? yeap, she got bf actually and theyve been for a year or so..,
8. Describe the shirt you’re wearing. Cyan, superman.
9. Do people who wear Hollister and Abrerbrombie every day bother you? yes! a lot of ppl ar work weae that...
10. Could you go out in public without wearing make-up? ive never wear make up, so yes!
11. What is one feature that you don’t like? being short and morena.nhaha, thats two.
12. Would people describe you as happy? yes, hahaa.
13. Are you single? yeah i am,
14. Does it bother you that pretty much every survey you take asks if you’re single? hahaha. its pretty awkard coz last time im aswering the other way..
15. Do you have Tumblr? nope, i wish i have..,
16. What about Xanga? what issit?
17. Have you ever babysat before? my bros,. haha
18. Is there a teacher who you absolutely hate? yes. im hiding if i see them, hahaha
19. Ever shopped at Sephora? where is that anw?
20. If your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away what would you do? hurt.... deeply hurt.
21. Do you have any university plans? im goin to graduate soon in an uni.
22. If your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do? slap her! haha.
23. What are your views on sex? hmmm,, what u think?
24. Do sexual questions bother you? yeah sometimes...
25. Would you rather have sex with your boyfriend or break up? neither
26. Have you ever dreamed about your wedding? yeap, i dreamt of every detail of it. haha
27. Does it bother you when people TYpe 1yk dis’? Nd stuff? yeah.. but sometimes im also like that.,
28. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? i blocked him.
29. Would you ever date a friends Ex? no! i feel awkward about it,
30. What’s the last book you read? bible, earlier,,,
31. Ready for 10 simple questions? okay! bring it on. lol
32. What is your last name? yesyesyes
33. What grade are you in? working
34. What school do you go to? uni at my hometown
35. Summer, Fall, Winter or Spring? spring, we dnt have that
36. Favorite Color? cyan!!
37. Are your parents together? thank God, they are...
38. Any siblings? 6 , hahah
39. Favorite subject? none
40. Least favorite subject? geometry, physics..
41. Favorite song? a lot.
42. Okay. Simple questions are over. Happy? nope.
43. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 300 plus, planning to delete again if i have time. haha
44. Ever been requested by some old guy from another country? hahaha.. nope.
45. Have you ever googled yourself? yes! guess what? ....see for yourself.
46. Have a Formspring? i think i dont..
47. You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do? sell it. haha
48. Would you rather spend the day at an amusement park or a water park? any park aa long as im with someone
49. Been to Disney world? nope,
50. If someone posts their status “9 Inches :(” do you know what they mean? ruler? haha
51. Ever had a boyfriend? yeah , 1.
52. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know? yes! a lot of them, hajhq
53. Have you done something in the last week that you regret? nope,,
54. Ever drank alcohol? nope.
55. Know anyone who’s currently doing drugs? nope.
56. Ever watched The Hills? nope
57. What about Jersey Shore? yeah and im speechless
58. Ever called someone a slut? in my brain, im so bad right...
59. What do you think of short shorts? slut. hahahahha
60. Does it bother you if people swear around you? now, yes.
61. Have you ever gotten an A in a subject? yeah
62. What about a B? yeah
63. And a C? yeah
64. How about a D? nope
65. Ever plagiarised? what?
66. Would you consider yourself popular and outcast or somewhere in the middle? middle! haha
67. Are most of your friends older or younger than you? balance.
68. Ever been stabbed In the back by a close friend? i guess sooo. who cares anw,
69. Do you think it’s immature when people laugh at the number 69? not really...
70. Ever watched Porn? who dont? haha
71. How many laws do you think you’ve broken in the past month? none, hahaha..
72. Do you wake up with an alarm clock? yes. everyday,
73. Do you prefer Wednesdays or Thursdays? thursday, near to friday. hahah
74. If your school had a Glee Club would you join? nope,
75. Ever performed in a talent show? nope and never will. hahaha
76. Have you ever cried in public? yeah... a lot of times.
77. Do you have a favorite between your Mom and your Dad? mom.. shhh....
78. Would you audition for a reality talent competition? yes, i would loved tol
79. How many celebrity crushes have you had? 1, hmmm. 2? yeah.. 2
80. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had? many many many
81. Name 5 male celebrities who you think are attractive. brad, tom, ben, ashton, channing
82. Name 5 female celebrities who you think are attractive. jessica, angelina, megan, jennifer l, jennifer a
83. Ever been compared to a celebrity? nope, hahha
84. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook? a lot, so a lot..
85. Do you think spending 20$ on Lip Gloss is a waste of money? yea,, money is important for me now
86. Ever used Opinionated? what is that..
87. Do you have a favorite store? nopes.
88. Would you ever wear Flare Jeans?nhahhaha.no
89. Do you own jeans that aren’t skinny? dont wear any
90. Have you ever worn the same outfit twice in one week? nope, never did.
91. What’s the longest period of time you’ve been away from school? 1 week, was in the hospital
92. Do you google abbreviations you don’t understand? of course , i google everything
93. Does it bother you when people have cats as their profile picture? i dont care at all
94. Own a pair of converse? nope
95. Is there a teacher at your school who has obvious favorites? yes.. of course.
96. If yes, are you one of them? hehe, sometimes.
97. Do you text in class? not much..
98. What brand of jeans do you wear the most? dnt have
99. At what point do you think sizes are “Plus Sized?” Most magazines say 10. Do you agree? dunno
100. Do you want to lose weight? nope i want to gain
101. Ever seen a therapist? nope,
102. Ever watched porn? i answered this already
103. Ever purposely ignored a text? yeah,,,
104. A facebook message? yeah..
105. A poke? yeah
106. A friend request? almost.
107. Would you say you read into things too much? yeap, hahah
108. Is your best friend more likely to be the one suggesting something stupid or refusing to do
something stupid? suggesting
109. Do you have a “fun friend?” (A friend who you have tons of fun with but you never really have deep
conversations?) yeah one of my best friends,
110. Ever been called a bully? yeah..sadly
111. Ever purposely hurt yourself? i guess,,,.
112. Ever gone to church? every sunday
113. Would you call either or your parents screw ups? call
114. If you turned out exactly like your Dad would you be pleased? hahaha... hmmmm
115. What about your Mom? yeah shes great
116. Let me guess… You have brown hair? black
117. Already know what you’re being for Halloween? nope,
118. Do you still go Trick or Treating? never did
119. Ever liked someone WAY older than you? i guess? hahah
120. Does it bother you when people have really loud conversations on the bus? its irritating
121. When you have sunglasses on, do you stare at people? yea, feels great
122. Ever had a credit card denied? dont have
123. What’s the last movie you watched? you and your stupid mate
124. Last TV Show? Ms World 2013
125. You see your Ex making out with one of your friends. What do you do? cry . hahaha
126. Ever been called a whore? not yet
127. Ever sang the national anthem? yes...
128. Ever made yourself throw up? nope
129. Have you ever kissed someone who wasn’t your boyfriend. nope
130. Are you Cute or Gross? or hahha
131. Does it bother you when people say “LOOK HOW MUCH YOU’VE GROWN!” hahhaa. not really
132. Can you say intelligent things around the guy you like? maybe. i guess
133. Ever had the lead in a play? yeah...
134. What about a solo in a concert? nope
135. What kind of a student are you? boring one
136. Worst grade you’ve ever gotten with a Letter? nope
137. Worst grade you’ve ever gotten with a number? 83
138. Ever had a crush on a teacher? nope.
139. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant? yea...... totally
140. How late do you sleep in? depends. mostly 9 but now., its 11
141. Do you edit your profile pictures before posting them? not really
142. Be 100% honest. Do you have any friends who are uglier than you? im the ugliest
143. Do you believe in all that inner beauty crap? they dont think about it
144. Would you consider yourself a good student? i guess
145. Does it bother you when Surveys ask “Did you like this survey?” yeah. kinda stupid
146. Salty, Sweet, Sour or Spicy? spicy
147. Are you going into High School this year? im working
148. What about Junior High? nope
149. What is one thing someone could say to you right now that would make you cry? He got a gf.
150. Where did you find this note? searched
151. Last question. How many unread messages are in your phone? nope. all read from mom and dad., so sweet right.

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Me Being Alone

Hello to myself! How are u? Feeling better? nah? Appear!

okay, im stupidly talking to myself again. So my crush asked me to go out with him tomorrow, he invited me to this gathering, but im not sure if im going. He said we will meet up and talk about stuffs, I dont even know what we will talked about. Haiz. I dont feel like going, tomorrow ive got plans, much important plans like do laundry, watch horror movies by myself and buy grocery alone.

See? Im being independent now. Doing all stuffs by myself, going to church alone, going to mall alone, eating in Jollibee alone. Alone. Always alone. Oh yes! Im fine.. Im happy to be alone. Im very happy :')

Honestly......

Going to church alone. But the good thing is that its very near to my house. I have friends at church, but their ages are like 15 to 17 yrs old. After church, i talked to them for awhile then go home. I cant go with my bestfriend anymore because she's with her bf.

Going to mall alone. ive never been to mall by myself when I was still in my hometown.Now,  Everytime I go to the mall which is near my house, I always see this guitar shop, and it breaks my heart. I didnt know even stuffs like this would affect me badly until now. Gosh! When will I ever get over him. tsk!

Eating alone. well, im kinda used to it in our hometown, i always eat late thats why. but at Jollibee, or any other food chains, man! im never used to it, no matter how delicious the food, im not happy at all. Im alone.

Now I know how he feels, being alone. But its too late for me because I just experienced it now. Its hard, I dont want this life. I need someone.. I need God, I need my family, I need him......

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Tomorrow is a Better Day

Hello to myself! To myself alone coz for sure no one is interested in reading my too emotional posts.

Okay, Im at my place and alone in my room. My circle of friends went to the mall. I didnt go with them because I have to save my money, I need to give mom of course. But too lazy to go out because its raining. I havent done my laundry yet, and loads of dresses to be washed. I wonder when will I have time for it because Im always tired, like always.

I woke up late today, well now I understand why some people doesnt go to church anymore. Im super sleepy and my body is soooo painful. But I cant skip church, no way! I cant be absent at church, especially I can just go to church during sundays. My spirit will weaken, I need to be refreshed and also to seek God.

Went to church.... meet two new friends. They are pretty nice. We went to mall after church. They bought some skirts and I didnt. Of course, as I mentioned, I am saving money.

So I was surfing the net, and FYI, im a stalker. Not by following people anywhere , but simply internet stalking. I stalk some blogs of some people I know, but they dont know me. So yeah, stalking.. im kinda good at it. (boasting!) I have known how depressed they are with their lives. I feel bad because they are also christian and they are teens and they talk about their church and how they are not in good terms with their long time friends. (i can relate with this).  sometimes they say in their blogs that they want to end their lives and all. Yes, "they" , two girls which is tired of their lives. They feel left out and all.

Tomorrow is a better day because God gives me another chance to live, move on, smile and praise Him.

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Life's Go on and on

Dad said he will buy me a car. Of course I want it, but do i really need it? I guess we should prioritize our house first. Well last time we bought already, but we havent fully paid, then mom learned that the house is also sold to others, we were fooled!! It was tragic, unacceptable and yes, its depressing. Still God is good, the owner of the house returned our money.

For now, dad bought a lot, its jst small. It cost more than 1 million. So if ever I will have big salary, I will help dad to pay for it.

oh hey! this is the day i signed my regularization document. I dont know what's God's plan for me, but whatever it is, I know that He will lead the way, Im officially an EMPLOYEE. yeah!!

After three years, I will go to Singapore or Australia to work. I just need to have an experience here.

Oops, next year I will visit dad, yeap.. I am going to Singapore... if God's will.  Im going to see him for sure... for the first time. Im quite excited already.

Tehee!!

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Experiencing Life

when i was young, I cant wait to get old.

now im old, living my own life... all i want now is to be young. i dont want to live this way seriously, i am away from my family. im living by myself, spending my own needs with my own money. i cant ask for my parent's help anymore. if i dont have money, well i need to make way to find one.

my daily routine:
wake up earlier than the sun, i never saw the sunrise.
go to work, get stressed with work and the people around.
go home hungry, overthinking about life, cry hard, regrets, pray and cry.

my life sucks seriously. i remember a friend of mine said to me, i have small salary, im away from my family , i have no boyfriend, my life is terrible. so terrible.

but i guess its not. i still have God. everyday i know he walks with me, He gave me His grace. I know im not a perfect christian, but He still loves me.... true love.

it hurts how u want to talk to that someone, but they dont want anymore, they just dont want YOU anymore. it badly hurts, the pain is killing me....

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The Story of Us, The Start til end.

I came home tired and weary one day
Open my tagged, nothing to do just play
Here goes this guy who messaged me
He said "Hi" , thats it only.
I dont feel like replying him that time
I viewed his profile to know if he has same belief as mine
I decided to reply and we became friends
Exchange stories day and night like there's no end
One day,he asked cor my number
I gave it and asked if he has viber
He said he dont have but he will still call me
That night we talked, and I was very happy

He told me he has feelings for me
I know I have feelings for him surely
Everyday we talk, then pray before we sleep
We tell each other's secret and promised to keep
I love how he plays his guitar and sings
He just dont know what joy to me it brings
Soon enough I started to fall for him deeply
The way he trets me, it feels like a fantasy
One night I called him while Im crying
I feel really bad, I was just hoping and praying
He promised he will never give up on me
And thats the day he became my boyfie

I was the happiest girl alive
Without him I think I wont survive
All day, all night he was the one I think about
We are meant for each other, I have no doubt
He made songs and sing it for me
It really makes me happy
The way he talk to me, melts my heart
Feels like we are together, even if we are apart
All those sleepless nights we had together
It always makes my day better
We plan and decide everyhing for our future
We will have a peceful life, thats what he assure

There are times we fight and I broke up with him
But I just cant live without him
I broke up with him many times already
But he still accepts me sincerely
I feel bad for him to have someone like me
Immature, stupid and very lazy
I realized that all this time I am so selfish
I always hurt him because Im childish
Then I decided maybe this is the time to set hi free
Coz I know theres still a lot of pretty girls he will see
The time came, he broke up with me because I told him a lie
Although it hurts and seriously I just want to die
I want to move on, but i dont know how
Im still deeply inlove with him until now
This is how it ends, this is what love has done
Coz now the love of my life is forever gone.

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