There's nothing to talk about really. Lim moved out to their house and stayed to other place which Im not sure where exactly. I feel sad about it, I want to be with him to comfort him, but I just cant. I feel bad because there is nothing I can do. All I can do now is pray. Pray that everything will be fine.
With this kind of situation, I know he will have super less time for me. It hurts to think like this, but i've gotta get used to it coz maybe someday if I will be also working, it would be hard. :'( I dont wanna think about it really, but maybe its time to face the possiblities.
They say relationship will work if got trust and communication. TRUST- i trust him very much. But I know he dont trust me a lot now because of what I did before. COMMUNICATION- this is what scares me the most.
*Lim, just please be strong. Dont give up. I know there are still a lot of trials u will encounter, but I remember what u said to me, "seek God first", no matter what, u must keep your words. Just trust in Him, because He has plans for you, plans not to harm you but to prosper you and although we are far away, I will still be always here for you, I might not help a lot, but I hope prayers will :) iloveyou.
When u've got nothing to do, u are bored, when ur bored ur thinking. So im just thinking about anything and I end up thinking about my boyfriend. (oh well i always think about him, not a surprise)
I just miss those times that we msg and call till early morning. Now, we can hardly talk for 30 minutes. Before even he is very tired he would have a lot of time chatting with me. But im trying to understand, im very eager to understand him. I know im not his priority anymore thats why I dont want to disturb him especially with his work and all.
Yes, it hurts a lot that everything changes already. Maybe im just like this coz i dont want to lose him again, i dont want anymore :'( i hope he will know that he is my everything, and his the only one i love. And that maybe.... Maybe someday we could be what we are before.
Im waiting for baby to call....He didnt message me for about 9 hrs. already, I feel sad but I know he is busy. I understand :) Hmmmm..
Today just watch Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Gosh! Angelina is really beautiful, her eyes, body and lips! Envy much. Too much charisma!!!
Seriously, I envy pretty gals. Of course! Just look at them, their faces and body. Man! Sometimes I wonder why I didnt have those looks and all. My mom is very pretty! Seriously not because she is my mom, but because its a fact! Her ancestors have spanish and chinese blood thats why. Sadly, the blood stops there, she never shared it with me.
Im an ordinary-not-goodlooking-human. Ordinary already and yet not goodlooking. I dont even have a talent to be proud of. I cant sing, cant dance, cant stand on stage (stage fright), cant cook, cant cant. Everything cannot! I feel pity for myself seriously.
I remember my classmates in high school always bully me calling me "no talent". But I didnt feel bad about it. Coz my high school friends are crazy! But yes, they got a lot of talent. That's why that time, I was the editor-in-chief of our school paper, I made an article about talent! Haha. Shame on me still!
But anw, i know God has reasons why I am like this. I should be thankful right? Although Im not goodlooking, head turner, talented human, at least in anyways I can still help in improving the world my life! Haha.
Yesterday was my friend's wedding. I can't believe that they are already married! They've been together for about a year or so. But as the saying goes: "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
"Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day, I'd be afraid
Without you there to see me through"
Seriously, starting the time I know Lim, everyday is just really a happy day. There is no day we dont message each other. We sleep at around 3 am every night and I have class the next morning! But it doesnt really matter because Im just happy talking to him. It was easy for me to fall inlove with him because he is just so honest, loving and caring.
After 2 or 3 months, we became a couple. It was one of the happiest day of my life. But of course there are times that we fight because of some reasons. Like this and like that. Honestly, it was always my fault. I always makes him angry unintentionally. But good thing we can still fix things.
But there came to a point that i wanted to break up, u know that feeling that ur just super angry and whatever is in ur mind u will just say it. So i did, i told him we will just break up without considering his feelings. But then when i wake up in the morning he sms me, and that time i realized my stupidity. I told him i cant live without him. But of course it would hard for him to believe. That day was just one of the worse day. But he gave me another chance.
But just last week, i broke my promise :'( i broke up with him again. But after that, everyday i would just trying to live. Seriously, i just want to die. I cant believe i did it to the person who loves me most. I thought he wouldnt give me another chance, but I know he doesnt trust me much now. I wouldnt blame him for that. Although it really hurts, its just matter of time.
Without Lim in my life, i just cant live happily. But now I know He still need time, a lot of time. I just really hope that someday somehow he could love me again the way he loved me before. I know its quite not possible at this time. I will really wait for that time. I will patiently wait, because I need him in my life. I dont know what to do with my Life without Lim, he is my life, he is my everything and if he will be gone to my life . . . I just cant :'(
Okay! This is going to be a different post. Earlier I went to church for the wedding rehearsal of one of my good friend. Then of course the singers also rehearsed, I got interested in listening to all the love songs they are singing. Im not really into Love songs, but the songs listed below are some of the songs I wished they will sing on my wedding day which is not planned yet. Man! Still long way to go.oh well, Just read the lyrics!!
IMAGINE ME WITHOUT YOU
As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You're the only love I'll need
In my life you're all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me
When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you
Chorus:
Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day, I'd be afraid
Without you there to see me through
Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it's just impossible
Because of you, it's all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can't imagine me without you
When you caught me I was falling
You're love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard my calling
And you rush to set me free
When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you
Chorus
When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you oh
Chorus
I can't imagine me without you
I'D RATHER
I thought sometime alone
Was what we really needed
You said this time would hurt more than it helps
But I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
Of a beautiful story
And so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)
And I tried to find
Out if this one thing is true
That I'm nothing without you
I know better now
And I've had a change of heart
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
Whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah
And then I met someone
And thought she could replace you
We got a long just fine
We wasted time because she was not you
We had a lot of fun
Though we knew we were faking
Love was not impressed with our connection they were all lies, all lies
So I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
That I'm nothing without you
I know better now
And I've had a change of heart
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
Who holds my heart
I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
Please be mine,
I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,
Than good times with someone else (I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),
Than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times to gether,
Than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)
I'd rather have bad times with you (surely),
Than good times with someone else (surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),
Than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
Than to have it easy apart (you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
Whoooo.....who holds my heart
GOD GAVE ME YOU
For all the times I felt cheated, I complained
You know how I love to complain
For all the wrongs I repeated, though I was to blame
I still cursed that rain
I didn't have a prayer, didn't have a clue
Then out of the blue
God gave me you to show me what's real
There's more to life than just how I feel
And all that I'm worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for though I didn't know why
Now I do, 'cause God gave me you
For all the times I wore my self pity like a favorite shirt
All wrapped up in that hurt
For every glass I saw, I saw half empty
Now it overflows like a river through my soul
From every doubt I had, I'm finally free
I truly believe
God gave me you to show me what's real
There's more to life than just how I feel
And all that I'm worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for though I didn't know why
Now I do, 'cause God gave me you
In your arms I'm someone new
With ever tender kiss from you
Oh must confess
I've been blessed
God gave me you to show me what's real
There's more to life than just how I feel
And all that I'm worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for though I didn't know why (didn't know why)
Now I do (I finally do), 'cause God gave me you (God gave me You)
God gave me you
THE PROMISE
Lord, you know my heart
And all my desires
And the secret things I'll never tell
Lord you know them well
Though I may be young,
I see and understand
That at times like sheep
We go astray and things get out of hand
[Chorus:]
So I promise to be true to you
To live my life in purity
As unto you
Waiting for the day
When I hear you say
Here is the one I have created just for you
Until then O lord
I will be content
Knowing that true love
Will come some day
And will only come from you
Cause I have seen the suffering that loneliness can cause
At last! I am so happy! For many months ive been looking for someone that can make me a doodle!
Doodle is a kind of drawing which has a specialized name on it, its customized! I so love to have one. Especially with Lim's name on it.
My classmate in college knows how to draw, i asked if he can draw for me, he said i needed to pay him, and i soooo cant afford the price. So i ask people if they know , they said they dont. Then luckily, my sister's friend which is just 13 yrs old draws doodle. So i really asked her to made one for me although we are not really close. She said she would be glad and its for FREE. So i told her to make one with LIM on it.
Now I have one! Im just so happy!
Today i hear u laugh again, it jst makes me happy. But when u sing, it makes me happier. U just dunno how much i like it. Just makes me realize that just every single time I have with u,i really treasure it A LOT. I dont want to ruin everything again, i wish we could jst start. I wish I could jst heal the wounds I put to ur heart. But it takes time i know. Baby, iloveyousomuch and i will do everything to have you back. <3 data-blogger-escaped-br="">
Photo: me taking pictures happily with the doodle :D
Im happy that we are talking now, but that feeling that its totally different. I want to call him baby, i wanna say iloveyou, but i know i cant now ;(
This feeling still sucks. I should be happy now but why im still crying. :'( im really trying to accept the fact, but still its killing me and i dnt wanna tell him coz i know he needs more time.
Maybe i should jst make a poem.
I tried not to talk to you
Coz u need time to get through
Theres no one for me to abide
And its killing me inside
At around 11 am, u misscalled
So i rushed and called
But then u said ur busy
U dont know those words hurt me deeply
I tried to be strong, just think positively
Trying to cope up with the possibility
Then u called after 3 hours
I know this time is only ours
But I dont know what to say
Coz i know u have a bad day
I jst keep saying iloveyou and im sorry
Theres a lot for me to worry
I wanted u back badly
But u said it takes time baby
So i will jst wait for that time
The day that i can call u mine
I dont know what to do anymore. I just cant help but think of him. Every passing time I cant talk to him just make me weaker inside.
I dont want to cry anymore. But it jst keep falling and falling. Cant eat, cant sleep. I know im killing myself. Im trying to eat, maybe once a day but still cant finish everything. I am lucky enough to sleep 4 hrs a day. Now its 3 am and its goin to be sleepless again.
Earlier he msg me on fb and also called me and all i did was cry, i cant even reply him on fb. i just cant believe this is happening. :'( i cant believe i ruined everything. Pro nd ko diapon mabaton :'( nd ko gd kaya nga wala sya. Ok lng nga perme ko masakitan bsta mabal.an ko lng nga kami pa diapon. Pro wala na gd tsansa. Palangga ko gd sya katama :'(
Photo: im smiling but inside im dying :'(
I miss him so much but there is nothing I can do. Maybe if we are just near to each other I could just talk to him. I know its would be hard to ask for another chance, but it would be better if i could just see him or just talk to him. But now, i dont know what to do. I feel really bad now.
Its hard to be like this. All he did was love me and all i did is just screw everything. I just feel bad really. Ive hurt him a lot of times. He is just so loving and caring and all I did was hurt him. Lim, im very sorry to all the hurts ive done to u, but i know sorry wouldnt mean anything now.
Baby, i loveyousomuch and it just hurts me more especially now that Im hurting u more. How iwish i could just change, how i wish i would be more sensitive to ur feelngs. But maybe its too late now... Coz the way u talk to me now... Its..... I cant say it. :(
* He is not the person who come home late, i just cant help but worry now. Lord, just please take good care of him. I will not be able to be with him, but I know You will always take care of Him like i never did :'(
I miss my boyfriend.
I miss my husband.
I miss my baby.
I miss baboy.
That awkward moment when tears are just flowing and flowing. You cant stop it, you cant hide it. I just notice that I look uglier when I cry! (Yeah thats for real!).
That girl. Yeah that's me, make a stupid decision again. I promise a lot, but always broke my promises, but it doesnt mean that I dont love him. I dont know also why Im like this, maybe im just really super childish, or worse, NEUROTIC TENDENCIES ( i dont know what it means). I feel bad for him, cause he always the one getting hurt, i always hurt him like everytime already. Im the worst girlfriend ever! Thats a fact. I guess guys should better back off from me. I would just hurt others feelings, I am so selfish. I dont care much about him, I only care about myself. I should be mature enough to realize that sometimes being selfish hurts people a lot, like A LOT already.
But maybe its too late already to fix this relationship that I destroyed. Of course the silly me still hoping for another chance , but I would understand if he doesnt want me back. Cause for sure i will still hurt him unintentionally in many many ways because i am as stupid as a dead carrot ( what?) .
Oh! Tears. Stop flowing. My eyes are super red already.
Earlier I went with bestest to the mall. Then when I saw a chubby guy, i will remember him! If ever I saw a chinese guy, i will remember him. If ever I will saw a guitar, I will remember him! If ever I saw a couple, I will remember him! Well everytime I go anywhere see this kind of people and stuffs i will always remember him, but this time, its not happiness , i just feel hurt deep deep inside. But good thing i tried to hold those tears!!
I make a poem for him, but i know he will not able to read this. Its a happy happy poem but i was crying while making this. Lame I know, and as usual I dont know whats the title of this.
I like how u play your guitar
Makes me feel ur here even if ur far
I like how u sing for me
It always makes me happy
I like how u sound when ur sleepy
It is so cute and funny
I like how u call me baby
It always makes my day
I like the way you kiss me
It makes me fall for u deeply
I like it when u act childish
Pinching ur cheek, thats my wish!
I like how we call each other baboy
You just dunno it gives me joy
I like everything about you
Seriously, from head to toe
Ive never loved someone before
Like what my love for u has in store
This one thing im gonna tell u truely
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY ONE AND ONLY <3
Title: รักสามเรา / Ruk Sahm Rao (Our Love Triangle) English title: “Trilogy” Artist: Knom Jean / WAii / Gavin 3.2.1 Album: [New Single] Year: 2011
พูดจาไม่ออก Poot jah mai auk I can’t speak it out loud ก็บอกตัวเองทุกวัน นั่นมันเพื่อนเรา Gor bauk dtua eng took wun nun mun peuan rao But I tell myself every day that this is my friend เพื่อนกันดูออก Peuan gun doo auk Friends can tell ว่าเธอกำลังรักเขา ที่เราให้ใจ Wah tur gumlung ruk kao tee rao hai jai That you’re in love with him, the one whom I’ve given my heart
ฉันยืนข้างเธอ ส่วนเธอก็ยืนข้างฉัน Chun yeun kahng tur suan tur gor yeun kahng chun I’m standing at your side, as you’re standing at mine ฉันเลยสองใจ Chun loey saung jai I have feelings for two girls เลือกใครสักคน อีกคนก็ไม่เหลือใคร Leuak krai suk kon eek kon gor mai leua krai If I choose one, the other won’t have anyone left ฝืนใจไม่ลง Feun jai mai long I can’t force myself to do it
(*)เธอกับฉัน Tur gup chun You and I ฉันกับเขา Chun gup kao Me and her เธอกับเขา Tur gup kao You and him เราจะรักกันอย่างไร Rao ja ruk gun yahng rai How will we love each other?
(**)เจ็บกันพอหรือยัง เมื่อไหร่จะพังสักที Jep gun por reu yung meua rai ja pung suk tee Is the pain enough yet? When will it collapse? ต่างคนต่างรู้ดี ไม่มีทางเหมือนเดิม Dtahng kon dtahng roo dee mai mee tahng meuan derm We all know full well there’s no way things can be the same ยิ่งเจอะกันทุกวัน ยิ่งกดดันเหลือเกิน Ying jur gun took wun ying god dun leua gern The more we see each other every day, the more it’s too pressing ยิ่งต้องมาเผชิญ หน้ากันยิ่งช้ำใจ Ying dtaung mah pachern nah gun ying chum jai The more I have to face it, the more we’ll hurt each other ปล่อยฉันไว้ดีกว่า Ploy chun wai dee gwah Letting me go is better
เหลือทางสองทาง ให้เราต่างต้องเลือกเดิน Leua tahng saung tahng hai rao dtahng dtaung leuak dern There’s two roads left that we must choose which to follow เลือกตัดสินใจ Leuak dtut sin jai Making a decision เรื่องเราสามคน ไม่ว่าลงเอยเช่นไร Reuang rao sahm kon mai wah long oey chen rai The story of the three of us, regardless how it ends เสียใจเท่ากัน Sia jai tao gun Any ending will be equally sad
(*,**)
Who would understand like me? ที่มันต้องเจ็บเพราะในใจมัน Guilty Tee mun daung jep pror nai jai mun guilty That I must hurt because my heart is guilty Every little story has to end, don’t you see อยากมีทางสักทางที่มันจะlet me free Yahk mee tahng suk tahng tee mun ja let me free I want to have a way that will let me be free หนึ่งคนเป็นมากกว่าเข้าใจ หนึ่งคนเป็นมากกว่ารัก Neung kon pen mahk gwah kao jai neung kon pen mahk gwah ruk One person is more than understanding, one is more than love แต่ถ้าต้องเลือกสักคน มันยากที่จะตัด Dtae tah dtaung leuak suk kon mun yahk tee je dtut But if I have to choose just one, it’ll be difficult to cut the other off เรื่องนี้มันComplicated เลยพูดได้แค่ not yet Reuang nee mun complicated loey poot dai kae not yet This issue is complicated, I can only say “not yet” ถึงไม่ใช่ทางที่มันถูก แต่ฉันไม่อยากทำใครต้องเจ็บ Teung mai chai tahng tee mun took dtae chun mai yahk tum krai dtaung jep Though it’s not the correct path, I don’t want to hurt anyone
(**) ยิ่งเจอะกันทุกวัน ยิ่งกดดันเหลือเกิน Ying jur gun took wun ying god dun leua gern The more we see each other every day, the more it’s too pressing ยิ่งต้องมาเผชิญ หน้ากันยิ่งช้ำใจ Ying dtaung mah pachern nah gun ying chum jai The more I have to face it, the more we’ll hurt each other ให้เจ็บแค่ฉันดีกว่า Hai jep kae chun dee gwah Hurting only myself is better
For the past year, yes just a span of ONE year, many had changed. Im asking my self, if it is my fault why like this now. Well, some things are still what it seems to be, but in some ways, it is so different already. I miss the way we were before. Have fun of life. Go anywhere we want. Laugh hard.
Now, can hardly talk about life and all. Well, life of others specifically. Busy not of school, but of Life. We aren't working for now, but just minding our own businesses. No, not literally business (just use it coz its a common description). It feels so unfair! Totally unfair! That one thing we should had, we never had!
Yes, Im the bad guy. But I just miss the way we were before :(
Change topic.. change topic
Just now I was talking to my dear friend in FB, well I am happy to share how God works in my life, especially during my school days.
*Oh! Don't mind my profile pic, just having fun with my boring life.
You throw it away and so I pick it up and I make it a much much better masterpiece, and if you decided to take it back, I am so sorry because you will never ever afford it. But who knows, maybe I will change my mind and I will give it to u for FREE! The soonest if possible :)
Photo: Edited by P.F Love, a new editor I found. its free and totally wicked! Hhaha
I hate this feeling. I hate it when Im weak. Im trying to be strong but in times like this, I feel weak, alone and my thiughts are killing me. Why do I need to suffer to someone's problem? I just cared too much. Im so down and I dont know who to talk to. At this point, all I need is God. He is the only one who could understand me better than anyone else.
I was looking for some inspirational bible verses to lessen my worries and I came to a blog with a lot of bible verses and there's one story that really interest my thought, It inspires me and hope you will too...
One day you were crossing a bridge with God. You were scared so you asked GOD, “Can I hold your hand so I won’t fall into the river?”
GOD said, “No my child, I should hold your hand…”
You asked, “What’s the difference?”
GOD replied, “If you hold my hand and something happens, you might let go. If I hold your hand, no matter what happens, I’ll never let go….”
It is not GOD who let go and distance himself from us, it is us.
Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we forget HE is there! But GOD loves us. He is steadfast and faithful. As the Bible says, For God said, “I will never leave you; I will never abandon you.” – Hebrews 13:5
The question is not “Are you holding on to God’s hand?” but “Are you letting God hold your hand?”
Is He holding my hand? YES. Will you let Him hold yours?
I would definitely hold God's hand. Not just in times of worries and troubles and problems. But if possible I would hold Him everyday of my life. So I can just live life with full of happiness.
Seriously, this days I am very very bored. Yes, i love sleeping but but but isn't it too much already? Everday of my boring life I wake up at 8am, eat breakfast, watch tv, sleep till 2pm then eat lunch, wash dishes, watch tv, sleep, wake up at 5 pm, eat, watch tv, eat dinner, watch tv and sleep again till morning. Same stuff always.
Well, I know I asked for this, I wanted to finish my studies so that I can do what I want especially SLEEPING. I wanna love my life now coz I know for the next few months this is not goin to be like this. It would be terror. I will be working already for the rest of my life! It means till I get old and weak. So this vacation I have, I need to treasure it as possible. Make every time worthwhile and useful.
Should I make a Time Plan? NO WAAAYYY! I am lazy.
All I need to do is to be productive, maybe household chores will do.
Today, is such a big day! Well, not for me but to the people I know. This day, My friend Aiko which Is one year married is pregnant! I am so happy for her. She prayed for it for also one year, well God has a plan for everything on the right time. I am totally happy for her!
My New Year was great! But this year I dont have any resolutions. I always dont follow my resolutions. I wish I could, But I just cant. I still go with the flow of life.
So where did I celebrate my New Year? I celebrated it at Church. Since the start of time, I already celebrate it at church for the reason that for us, its much better to celebrate the end of the year at church.
Firstly, we had our dinner there, We got a lot of food. I am so full! Then we got a service. After that exchange gifts of youth. I received a Purple Cardigan which I super like.
Then at 12 midnight we prayed then sing some songs to thank God for another year He has given. We greeted each other a Happy New Year. I am more happy because my dearest sms me, then I called him to greet him A happy new year.
Photo: it seems that this photo is nonsense, well it is! Coz i cant upload other photos due to poor internet connection.
